“Stranger
Danger” we all learn this when we are young. That you should never talk to
strangers because they could be bad and hurt you or even kill you. Now this is
all true and a good thing to teach children. Although for me being autistic and
instinctual having “stranger danger” drilled into me when I was young caused a
lot of challenges. This meant even when I was with my parents or other trusted
adult who could keep me safe I still could not talk to strangers. Even children
my own age where strangers and therefore off limits. You can see how this made
it challenging to make friends. By the time I was a teenager I still could not
bring myself to talk to strangers. When I even thought about it I would have a panic
attack and if someone tried to make me say hi to a stranger it caused a
meltdown. I still had no friends which caused severe depression. I knew it had
to change I had to do something but what? This is what I came up with.
·
Step 1: set a long term goal. Mine was to be able to talk to new
people and make friends. Now this long term goal is not something that will
happen overnight. Keep in mind this will take time.
·
Step 2: set a short term goal. This is should be something that you believe
you can do with in a weeks’ time. Mine was I will smile at a stranger and acknowledge
them at least 1 time a day. Easy right not so much for me. Here I was the girl
who always looked down and acted like I was alone in the world.
·
Step 3: start a journal. This can be written, audio, or a video log whatever
works best for you. You will need to document your progress every day. Your first
entry should be your long term goal, your short term goal, and a time limit to
accomplish your short term goal. I gave myself one week for mine.
At this point you need to document everything to do with your
goal. Did you do your short term goal today? If not did you try? What happened? How did you handle it? Weather you succeeded
or failed document it. Tell how you felt or feel about how it went encourage yourself
to keep trying. Remind yourself it will take time and it’s ok if you don’t get
it immediately. Congratulate yourself when you do get it. Give yourself a
reward when you meet your short term goal. Once you have meet your short term
goal set a new one with a new dead line. My second one was to say hello to at
least one new person a week. This was harder so I gave myself two weeks to do
it. Just remember document everything no matter how small. So that down the
road as the goals get harder you can look back and see how much you’ve already
done to encourage you to keep going. If you
don’t meet a goal in the time you set don’t give up set a simpler goal. It’s ok
to take a step back when you need to just so long as you don’t stop. I’ve been
working on my long term goal for years and I still struggle with it. Sometimes I
have to go back and redo some of my short term goals but I never give up. I now
have friends although not many but good ones. So it can and will happen just be
patient, take your time, and don’t give up.
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