Returning Christmas gifts from a charity

I saw a post on Facebook today that upset me. Someone posted a picture of shopping carts full of toys at Walmart. The story behind them is that they saw them and asked an employee if someone had bought all those toys. The employee says no then proceeds to tell them that they were returned gifts from charities that the parents returned them to get a gift card that they used to buy beer and cigarettes with. The person ends the post by telling people to be aware when giving toy to charity that this is happening. Here are my problems with this post. First when you return something to Walmart do you tell the clerk the whole back story of the item? I know I don’t I just simply say I need to return this. So how would they know these were gifts from a charity? Sounds like they just assumed to me. Second once you have finished the return and have your gift card do you ever go back to customer service and show them what you bought? I don’t, so how would they know what people used the gift cards on sounds like another assumption. Now there very well may be people who do this but to say they all do is just stereo typing and usually not true. My final problem with this post is that it seems to be discouraging people from giving and this makes me sad because for some families the gifts they get from charities is all they get. My family is one of those families and yes I have returned some things we received let me explain why and what I did with my gift card. My oldest son received a very nice coat for his gift. While normally this would be great my son is autistic and the material the coat was made from was one that he can’t wear due to sensory issues. So rather than give him a gift he can’t use and have it collecting dust in his closet I returned it. With the gift card I got for it I managed to get him 1) a set of ear buds the brand he likes and has been asking for, 2) a soft sensory friendly massage pillow that he has also been asking for, and 3) some food for our home since we are running seriously low. NO beer or cigarettes at all. For the same price as one gift we couldn’t use I got 2 he would love and food to keep all of us from going hungry. Here is another one I did, my youngest got 2 presents one was perfect he would love unfortunately the other was a set of sports ball it included a basketball, football, and soccer ball. Normally this would be a great present for a little boy but my son is in a wheel chair so this would just remind him of what he can’t do. So rather than have him be depressed for Christmas I returned it and instead got him a Lego set which is one of his favorite things and he will love. So you see sometimes there is a good legitimate reason why gifts from charities are being returned. Not all of them are returned just to get beer and cigarettes. Most, that I know of at least, do the same thing I did return things their children can’t or won’t use and get things they will. So when you see someone returning gifts don’t judge them or jump to conclusions. Things are not always what you think.

The challenge of not knowing

Raising a disabled child can be challenging, but when you don't have a diagnosis and no idea as to what it might be it makes it even more challenging. My youngest son will be turning 7 this year he started life with the odds stacked against him. Weighing in at only 3lbs 7oz the doctors said he wouldn't survive 48hrs. He surprised them and beat those odds. Over the years we have been told he wouldn't make it another month, or week, or even another day 4 different times. He has proven them all wrong, but it has been apparent that he had some problems. He has been tested for multiple things to date he has been diagnosed with ADHD, autism, and CP. Unfortunately there is still something else going on and we don't know what. For the past 6 months we have watched his legs slowly deteriorate from a clumsy child who can still run, ride a bike, and all the normal stuff to a child who spends half his day in a wheelchair. The doctors have been testing for everything they can think of and so far all the tests have come back normal. They can see that this is happening but have no idea why. He is currently in occupational therapy, speech therapy, and physical therapy, but rather than helping it seems to be making him worse. With out knowing what is causing the problem we don't know if we should continue the therapies or not everything is just a big question and it's seems like no one can find the answer. The only thing I know for sure is that my son Caleb is a fighter and will continue to overcome and surprise us and he will do it all with a smile.

10 things I'm thankful for

This week is Thanksgiving so I decided to make a list of things I am thankful for this year. On Thanksgiving I am going to have my children list 5 things they are thankful for I will share their lists on my Facebook page.

1. My Children, The strongest people I know. They have faced every challenge life has thrown at us and stayed happy and smiling through it all.
2. My Friends, who are there when I need a shoulder to cry on.
3. My Father, who my kids and I can look up to and turn to for advice.
4. My Sister, who always has encouraging words when I need them most.
5. God, who has provided a way when there seemed to be none and given us hope, strength, and courage to face our challenges.
6. My Home, having been homeless before having a roof over our heads means a lot to us.
7. My Car, that has been threatening to break down for good but somehow manages to keep going.
8. The Kindness Of Strangers, who have helped us in our time of need by giving us food and clothing when we had no way to get it our selves.
9. The Salvation Army, who is giving us help for the holidays so my children can have at least one gift to open for Christmas.
10. Being able to spend the holidays with my children and father all together, even if we do  end up only having sandwiches.

Autism Awareness: The Good, The Bad, and The Colorful

Autism has become a hot topic lately. Awareness has been raised to new heights. People are becoming more understanding and respectful towards those of us with autism. It is slowly becoming easier to get the help we need. This is a wonderful thing and I am thankful for it. This has made it so my children are getting the help they need and not having to struggle the way I did. Although as with most things there is a down side. Currently while awareness is up it is mostly focused on the low functioning non-verbal side. People still don’t know or understand that it is a spectrum disorder. For autistic people, like me, on the opposite end of the spectrum where it is not as obvious this creates new challenges. One of which is people thinking we are lying about being autistic which has become all too common. This can cause self esteem issues as well as trust issues both of which most of us tend to already have. For me this is something I've learned to not let bother me if people want to think I’m lying let them I’m not going to let it slow me down in any way. The main issue for me is people hear about all the help and care autistic children will need as adults and how they may never be able to achieve full independence. This makes them assume that is true for every one with autism. So when I say I am and independent autistic adult they question it thinking someone has to be helping me. When they find out I’m a single mom not long after child protection services usually shows up at my door. They tend to assume my children must be neglected or abused since I have autism I shouldn't be able to take care of myself much less kids. This is not true. I have been investigated several times now and have never had my children taken from me. CPS has done very thorough investigations and have always found that my children are well cared for. We may be low income and not have much but my kids always have what they need. Even with having been through this multiple times CPS still shows up at my door at least once a year always for the same reason. Someone found out I’m autistic and claimed I must be neglecting my kids because I shouldn't have the capability to care for them. The sad truth is that this happens every where to many autistic parents and some are not as lucky as me and have their kids taken at the beginning of the investigation.  This adds a whole new unnecessary level of stress to the already stressful job of parenthood. So while raising autism awareness is a good thing focusing on only one side is harmful and needs to stop. We need to raise awareness for all autism the entire wonderful, crazy, colorful spectrum. Another thing that people need to be aware of is that where someone is on the spectrum is not fixed they can move up or down it depending on many factors. For me when I was young I was on the low end and non-verbal but as I aged I became verbal and slowly moved up to where I am now on the extreme high end. Yes I still have some issues that I will always have to deal with but for the most part people can’t tell I am autistic. My oldest is doing much the same as I did started out low and is slowly moving up he is now high functioning as well although not yet to the point I am. My middle son on the other hand started out on the high end and went down he is currently some where in the middle. So remember all autistic people are different just because one or even several can’t do something doesn't mean none of us can the same as just because some of us can do something doesn't mean all of us can. We are all unique and have our own abilities and challenges. We truly are a colorful spectrum.

How being autistic helped me as a parent

Being a single mom raising 3 disabled boys is hard, you would think being autistic myself would make it even harder but not for me. Being autistic has actually helped me be a better mom to my kids. Here’s how.

1.      Honest: As with many autistic people lying does not come naturally to me. In fact it’s not a concept I fully understand and therefore do not see the point to lying. Because of this when I talk to anyone especially my children I am honest with them. My boys have realized that and no matter what they ask me I will answer honestly, I will make sure to keep it age appropriate or tell them to ask me when they’re older. Since I am fully honest with them they are more open and honest with me even when they make a mistake they do tell me about it rather than try to hide it.

2.      Meltdowns: meltdowns are a part of being autistic we have them we can’t help it. They are not fun and can be very draining even painful at times. I still have them occasionally and I do not hide it from my kids. By doing this when they have their meltdowns and I say I understand they know I do.

3.      Stemming: Another autistic trait that we make fun. When mama or any of the boys start spinning, jumping, flapping, or rocking we just turn on some music and all join in. It becomes one of the most bizarre and fun dance parties.

4.      My calming place: When I get overloaded the best place for me to go is outside. This has the side effect of helping my kids have a balance between indoor tech and outdoor fun.

5.      Sensory issues: Sensory processing disorder is very common with autism. Since all 4 of us have it, including my youngest who is not autistic. We all understand it. Sometimes I have days I can’t handle wearing shoes and will do everything barefoot. So I am more open to clashing outfits and bare feet when we go out in public when one of the kids is having a high sensory day.

6.      Anxiety: This is something our entire family deals with to different degrees. Again I do not hide mine from my kids they have seen and even helped me through panic attacks. This has a 2 fold benefit. First when they have panic attacks they are more responsive to me helping them through it because they know I’ve been there myself. Second, when they help me calm they learn different calming techniques that they can use themselves when they need too.

These are just a few of the ways being autistic has helped me as a mom. Mainly it has helped me understand and relate to my children on a level not many people can. As well as helped them trust and be open with me knowing that I do truly understand what they are dealing with because I deal with it too.

Why food banks are not always a good option.

Have you ever been to a food bank? I have just this past week actually, I’m going to share what that process is like for us. First you walk in, already feeling bad because you have to go there in the first place, you sign in and they hand you a stack of papers to fill out. On these papers they want you to tell them about every penny you have received in the past two months where it came from and how you spent it, hope you keep track of it otherwise trying to remember can be challenging. Then you have to tell them about everyone who lives in your home their name, birthday, gender, marital status, hair color, blood type etc… Next you have to provide ID, Birth certificates, social security cards, proof of income, proof of residence, and hair sample for everyone in your home and if you don’t have even one thing then it’s “I’m sorry but we can’t help you” ( ok maybe you don’t have to have all of that but most of it you do and you get the idea of what it can feel like) Once you have given them all this information then you are told to have a seat in the waiting room and someone will call you. This wait can take anywhere from 5 minutes to 5 hours but eventually they will call you. When they do you are taken into another room where you are interviewed this is where they ask for your life story and that of your entire family and want you to explain exactly what went wrong that you ended up there oh and don’t forget you have to now verbally explain every penny you’ve ever gotten for the past 2 months and hope you remember what you wrote because it better match up. If you pass this interview then you are told to return to the previous waiting room and someone will call you if you fail then its “sorry we can’t help you at this time”. This second wait takes from 30 minutes to an hour before someone calls you to tell you your food is ready. You load it in your car and head home. Alright you’re set they gave you enough food to last awhile no worries right? Wrong, once you get home it’s time to go through what you got. The first thing you do is check the expiration dates and approximately half of everything you just got 10 minutes ago is already expired. Straight in the trash with that no one should have to feed their children expired food. It’s ok you still have enough to last a week or too that helps, but wait half of what is left will expire within the next 48 hours so much for making it last. Ok so now you look at the food with a fast approaching deadline on it and see if you can come up with a meal. Good luck you realize you have a lot of partial meals you know hot dogs no bread, peanut butter no jelly, hamburger helper no hamburger, etc… Time to get creative you end up putting a mish mash of food together making something you think is edible and hope tasted somewhat ok. At this point I hope you don’t have a situation like I do where I have 2 people in my family that have to be on special diets due to allergies and disorders and one who has food aversion. I hope this has helped you understand why telling someone to just going to a food bank isn’t always welcome sometimes it truly isn’t a good option. We can help improve this all we really need to do is pay attention to what we donate. If it is expired or will expire soon don’t donate it and if you can give all parts of a meal not just some this will help the charities if they have better things to work with they can be much more helpful to families in need.

Autism and the Apocalypse

Q: Would an autistic person survive in a post-apocalyptic world?

A: Yes, not only would they survive they would thrive. Let’s think about some of the possible traits of autism and how they would adapt for a post-apocalyptic world. Now keep in mind no one person with autism will have all these traits but all will have some.

1.      Poor social skills: It’s the apocalypse how many people are really left and how important are social skills at this point anyway? Next. Okay, let’s break down what we mean by poor social skills.

A.     Little to no eye contact: post-apocalypse, we are probably now living in the wilderness hunting and gathering to survive. Everyone and everything is viewed as a possible threat. Well natural instincts tell us that making eye contact in the wild is the same as challenging someone to a fight, so by avoiding eye contact we avoid unnecessary fights.

B.      Difficulty understanding jokes, sarcasm, or figures of speech: So we are serious people by nature we approach everything as a serious matter, and in the apocalypse everything is. When you joke and make light of the situation you are more likely to die. We stay serious and we survive.

C.      Does not share observations or experiences with others: We notice something we are keeping that info to ourselves. Who knows how long we will need supplies to last, if we find good hunting or fishing areas we keep it quiet.

D.     Will respond to social interaction but does not initiate: You want to talk to us fine we will respond, but otherwise we will just mind our own business and keep on moving. We have more important things to do than socialize like Survive.

E.      Aversion to large crowds: Anyone that watches the walking dead knows large crowds equals trouble. No thanks we’ll pass.

F.       Resistance to being touched: Good luck luring us into a false sense of security through physical contact may work well on others but not us.

2.      Behaviors: Let’s break a few of these down

A.     Obsession with objects, ideas or desires: Say our obsession is food then we will focus a lot on that and you can bet we won’t starve.

B.      Compulsive behavior patterns: Say we are a compulsive sniffer you know we smell everything. Well we will notice small changes in the scent of food that will help us know when it is starting to go bad and not eat it and therefore not get sick from it. Also we will notice changes in the scent of where we live so will know if someone or something has been there.

C.      Many and varied collections: We hoard things again we will have plenty of food and a lot of types to boot. Not to mention all the weapons and survival tools got plenty of those too.

3.      Let’s talk about our senses

A.     Sensitivity to sounds, textures, tastes, smells, and/or light: Basically heightened senses that means we will notice changes in sounds, smells, tastes, etc… sooner than most helping us with hunting and staying away from danger.

B.      Unusually high or low pain tolerance: high pain tolerance very helpful say we are running for our lives we trip we get hurt most people would be done for not us we get up and keep running as if nothing happened until we reach safety. Low pain tolerance also very helpful say we get a small superficial scratch or cut we notice it and doctor it therefore we don’t get an infection that could kill us.

Okay so I think you probably understand at this point how many of the traits of autism can be useful in the apocalypse.

Q: Would an autistic person survive in a post-apocalyptic world?

A: Hell Yes we would! We would kick the apocalypses butt. So if you find yourself face to face with the apocalypse Run don’t walk to your nearest autistic friend and you too may survive