Overcoming “Stranger Danger”: One autistic persons struggle to meet new people.

“Stranger Danger” we all learn this when we are young. That you should never talk to strangers because they could be bad and hurt you or even kill you. Now this is all true and a good thing to teach children. Although for me being autistic and instinctual having “stranger danger” drilled into me when I was young caused a lot of challenges. This meant even when I was with my parents or other trusted adult who could keep me safe I still could not talk to strangers. Even children my own age where strangers and therefore off limits. You can see how this made it challenging to make friends. By the time I was a teenager I still could not bring myself to talk to strangers. When I even thought about it I would have a panic attack and if someone tried to make me say hi to a stranger it caused a meltdown. I still had no friends which caused severe depression. I knew it had to change I had to do something but what? This is what I came up with.

·         Step 1: set a long term goal. Mine was to be able to talk to new people and make friends. Now this long term goal is not something that will happen overnight. Keep in mind this will take time.

·         Step 2: set a short term goal. This is should be something that you believe you can do with in a weeks’ time. Mine was I will smile at a stranger and acknowledge them at least 1 time a day. Easy right not so much for me. Here I was the girl who always looked down and acted like I was alone in the world.

·         Step 3: start a journal. This can be written, audio, or a video log whatever works best for you. You will need to document your progress every day. Your first entry should be your long term goal, your short term goal, and a time limit to accomplish your short term goal. I gave myself one week for mine.

At this point you need to document everything to do with your goal. Did you do your short term goal today? If not did you try? What happened?  How did you handle it? Weather you succeeded or failed document it. Tell how you felt or feel about how it went encourage yourself to keep trying. Remind yourself it will take time and it’s ok if you don’t get it immediately. Congratulate yourself when you do get it. Give yourself a reward when you meet your short term goal. Once you have meet your short term goal set a new one with a new dead line. My second one was to say hello to at least one new person a week. This was harder so I gave myself two weeks to do it. Just remember document everything no matter how small. So that down the road as the goals get harder you can look back and see how much you’ve already done to encourage you to keep going.  If you don’t meet a goal in the time you set don’t give up set a simpler goal. It’s ok to take a step back when you need to just so long as you don’t stop. I’ve been working on my long term goal for years and I still struggle with it. Sometimes I have to go back and redo some of my short term goals but I never give up. I now have friends although not many but good ones. So it can and will happen just be patient, take your time, and don’t give up.

Trying New Foods with Autism: Why we are picky eaters.

I hear people all the time asking How can I get my ASD child to try new foods? There is no one thing that will work each one is different. You have to find something that will make them truly want to do it. Let me explain why trying something new is so hard for us. First people with autism are instinct driver and our instincts tell us anything new is dangerous and could potentially kill us. This means where you may think I am simply trying a new food the worst that could happen is I won’t like it. We may understand this logically but our instincts kick in and suddenly the worst that can happen is a horrible, violent, painful death. No matter how much we are told or how well we understand that this is unlikely to happen our instinctual side tend to overpower our logical side and we are truly terrified for our lives. Now not everyone with ASD has this problem with food I do but for others it may be this extreme when they go to a new place, or do things in a different order. Basically anything new or different can cause this reaction. I’m using food because that is the hardest for me. For years I could not explain this. I didn't understand that I was actually physically afraid. I just knew something inside me wouldn't let me do it and made it hard. Sometimes I could fight it and try a new food sometimes I couldn't but I always ended up in tears when I tried. Most times when I did get a bite down within seconds I would declare I didn't like it. I've since learned that one small bite cannot tell me if I like it or not. After the first bite if I don’t have an immediate violent reaction then my body calms slightly and realizes that it will not kill me. I have to wait a few minutes for this to happen and know that I can at least tolerate said food. Once I have relaxed some then I can try a second small bite. Although this is not as hard as the first it is still a challenge and takes an effort to do. This second bite is when I deal with the sensory issues. Do I like the taste? Are there so many flavors that I go into overload? Can I handle the texture or will it cause me to meltdown? Although not as scary as the first bite there are still a lot of questions and fear in the second one. This is the final step to finding out if I like it or can at least handle it. Sometimes taking the first bite is so hard that I don’t have the energy to try that second bite so I have to wait until I’m able to try again this can take a few days. I’m now 38 years old and have tried many new foods in my life and no matter how much I know logically my instincts still kick in and it is still a hard sometimes painful process for me to try a new food. I want to have a healthier diet so I don’t give up. It can be a long slow process and I know some days the fear will win but other days I will. So I just keep at it and celebrate every step I make in the right direction.